Self-care, Self-sabotage, Self-love

The most important relationship we have in life, is the one we have with ourself. Whatever goals you may have, whether you want to lose those 10 extra pounds, find a new job that better serves you or attract love and a meaningful relationship. I can assure you, that if you truly love yourself and radiate that energy, you will manifest and bring about the changes you want for yourself. So, let’s get into the ways you can create a new relationship with yourself.

Self-Care

A lot of people make the distinction that self-care is going to the spa, binging Netflix, or detaching from reality. Any act that’s going to numb or distract you from your emotions. But really, self-care is any way you can improve upon your physical, mental or emotional well-being.

Being mindful of your self-care routine will have an overwhelming impact on how you view yourself and the environment you’re in. The pillars of my message all encourage self-care with a little self-reflection and self-awareness. Running and eating organic, are examples of physical self-care. Writing and journaling, are examples of emotional self-care. Reading, reflection and meditation are examples of mental and spiritual self-care.

Caveat all of this with one simple reminder: the baseline of self-care is productivity. If you’re not taking care of your work life, or your family life you’re missing the point. Nothing feels better than checking everything off of your to-do list, and totally using your free time to work on yourself.

Self-sabotage

This was my biggest obstacle to understand and overcome. The scary part of self-sabotage is the fact that most of us engage in it, without even knowing. You’ve been conditioned to self-sabotage. For so long I was unconsciously stopping myself from becoming my best self. Self-sabotage takes the form of procrastination, fear of taking action, fear of failure, disorganization, imposter syndrome and perfectionism.

For me, the number one act of self-sabotage was negative self-speak. This blog for example, here are a few thoughts that ran through my head before I learned about my own self-sabotaging behaviors; “I don’t have anything relevant to add to the public discourse.” “Why would anyone find my story interesting?” “I’m not an expert on this topic, I don’t have a degree, I’m not trained in this area and I have no credentials.”

I’d research endlessly and find other blogs and social accounts and justify why they’re good at it and I am not. I feared that people would judge me, think I was lame, that it wouldn’t be successful or I couldn’t make a business out of this, so why even start? Do you see how this thought process can stop you from accomplishing everything you want in life? The voice in my head also convinced me that my body type was meant to hold on to that extra 25 pounds. Like, what?!?! I convinced myself that being overweight was ok, and that I wasn’t capable of being better. This was a self fulfilling prophecy so when I didn’t lose weight, I wouldn’t have to face myself and my unhealthy habits.

I overcame my self-sabotage by making the conscious decision to change the narrative. I stripped all distractions. I changed the systems in my daily routine. I wrote what I wanted and I decided that I was going to start a blog. I decided that I was going to get healthier. I wrote out the ways I could achieve both of these things and anytime I engaged in negative self-speak, I’d instantly crush that dialogue and remind myself that I am in control of my future and I’m not going to make any excuses anymore.

Self-love

Self-love is the beautiful intersection you arrive at when you embrace self-care and eliminate your self-sabotaging tendencies. The easiest ways to do this, that I’ve found, is through journaling and through implementing a productivity system.

Start your morning by writing the non-negotiable things you have to accomplish. Then move onto planning your week. Be flexible. Allow yourself to move tasks throughout the week without overwhelming yourself. I found that writing these out in the form of a to-do list on a weekly calendar in my Notion app made a world of difference. I wasn’t forgetting what I had to do anymore. I removed procrastination from the equation. I decided to hold myself accountable for everything. It didn’t need to be perfect, I just had to get it done. When I launched my website there were tweaks and edits I still needed to make, but that was ok. The major step was pushing the publish button and putting myself out there.

Maybe self-speak isn’t your number one obstacle. Maybe it’s crippling anxiety of deadlines, or fear of letting others down, or not allowing yourself to be vulnerable. Whatever form it takes, becoming aware of the obstacles, setting up productivity systems and employing a self-care routine is the most important thing you can do for yourself.

If you believe you’re lost in love, you’re stuck in a job you hate, and you accept that you’re going to be overweight, that’s exactly what you’re going to be. Instead, decide to better yourself and believe you’re going to find the right guy/girl, believe you’re going to get that job offer or believe you’re going to lose that weight you’ve been meaning to. It’ll happen by taking care of yourself, overcoming your obstacles, learning to love yourself and truly emitting that energy. That’s how the universe works.

Thanks for reading,

-Jay