Shadow Work, Generational Chains, Awareness, and Forgiveness
I want to preface this article by saying, the content I lay out below is simply what I’ve done in my experience and this shouldn’t take the place of seeking out a licensed professional. These practices may not apply for different levels of trauma that have been experienced. This is not psychiatric advice, but just a way I’ve handled my shadow work and come to a place of love and acceptance of myself. It’s how I’ve learned to forgive and how I’ve found a new understanding for the attributes that make me who I am.
You are a combination of attributes that were handed down to you from your parents. They are a product of their parents, and their parents’ parents, and so on. These traits are deeply engrained in us on so many different levels. Understanding these attributes and recognizing why you are the way you are is the first step I took on my journey into shadow work. The easiest way to go about this is to think about the characteristics of your parents, the good and the bad, and find them within yourself.
The difficulty in this exercise is finding the root cause of the negative attributes. They are often buried deep within the subconscious or the proverbial shadow. You may know that certain things trigger you, certain attributes in others will cause you to cast judgement, or certain things your parents will do or say will incite immediate rage and anger. This is the place your energy should be focused. A lot of times this is the cause of familial discourse. The simplicity in blaming our parents for hurting us is the easy way out. When these trauma centers are left unchecked and unacknowledged, they’re almost guaranteed to be repeated and handed down to our own children.
The healing happens when you understand the root causes of these issues. Understanding your parents, understanding their upbringing and understanding the generational chains that have shaped the person you are creates the necessary space for acceptance and forgiveness. Doing shadow work on yourself is a practice of healing, but that’s not to say that part of you is broken. It’s just unseen, hidden deep away as a defense mechanism. You’re protecting yourself from the negative attributes that were passed on to you and you don’t want anyone else to recognize these attributes in you.
The Hawaiian tradition of HO’OPONOPONO is a mantra or prayer of forgiveness that works perfectly in this scenario. The mantra is four sentences and can be said in any order, “I’m sorry. I forgive you. I love you. I thank you.” It’s essence is finding the pain and shortcomings of others (in this instance your parents) within yourself. When you apologize, forgive, love and thank yourself for these attributes and trauma responses, it gives you the space to then spread that loving forgiveness to your parents as well. They aren’t perfect humans and they’re doing their best as they were taught by their parents. But in recognizing that, and in forgiving them for being perfectly imperfect humans, we can heal ourselves and the relationships we have with our family members.
Recognition and awareness is the first step. The second step is to gain a deep understanding of why the conditioned behavior exists. The third step is to accept and forgive yourself and your parents. The fourth step is to figure out ways to break those chains and take actions to dispel these learned behavioral patterns.
Thank you for reading and I wish you the best in the process of undertaking your own shadow work and breaking your generational chains. The faster you figure these things out, the faster you can get to a place of wholeness and become the best version of yourself.
-Jay Melvin 🙏🙏🙏
